


Brighter than the Sun (Darker than Space)

by kiyoyachi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Space AU, space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 01:54:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4588593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiyoyachi/pseuds/kiyoyachi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinata Shoyou not going to space was unthinkable in the universe’s eyes. And all Kageyama could do was blindly watch his shining sun leave him for the bright stars of the universe.  </p><p>Or Kageyama wishes he had kept Hinata on Earth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brighter than the Sun (Darker than Space)

**Author's Note:**

> Just a few little things to keep in mind when reading this !   
> Collision - A musical term, when two parts of a song play at the same time (ex. chorus + verse 2)
> 
> Not all of this factually correct, I did some research plus added my extreme love for space but I took some liberties in order to make the story work. 
> 
> Also, a lot of the story makes reference to the meaning of the characters' names. Here they are below for reference (the ones that are important for the story):  
> Kageyama Tobio  
> 影 - KAGE (shadow)  
> 山 - YAMA (mountain)  
> 飛 - TOBI (to fly)  
> 雄 - O (male)  
> Shouyou Hinata   
> 日 - HINA (day, sun)  
> 向 - TA (beyond, confront)  
> 翔 - SHOU (to fly)  
> 陽 - YOU (sunshine, male, Yang)  
> Tsukishima Kei  
> 月 - TSUKI (moon)  
> 島 - SHIMA (island)  
> 蛍 - KEI (firefly)
> 
> Also Khloe beta-d this, bless her. Her ao3 is: hitokas
> 
> That's it, I hope you enjoy c:

Kageyama would never understand Hinata’s obsession with the stars. 

He would never understand why whenever he caught Hinata daydreaming, he was staring up towards the sky and the stars beyond.

“It’s my destiny.” Hinata Shoyou replies one day, after a particularly insistent questioning by Kageyama Tobio. 

Kageyama never understood what Hinata meant by that but it was never a surprise when Hinata graduated with a degree in physics and found a job at JAXA. 

Similarly, Hinata wasn’t surprised when Kageyama became an aerospace engineer. Kageyama had always wanted to be a pilot, but he could never imagine leaving Earth permanently. He was much more grounded to his beautiful Earth, that Hinata was so eager to leave. 

If he ever went into space it would be because he was blindly following in the footsteps of the brilliant red-headed astronaut he’d somehow fallen in love with. 

They’d grown up together, and Hinata had made it very clear that as soon as he could he would be up in the stars. 

Kageyama was determined to make this happen. He’d spent his entire life working on becoming an engineer, so he could build the best spaceship that would rocket Hinata into his destiny. He would help Hinata soar over the mountainous journey that awaited him.

It turned out to be far bumpier than Kageyama had ever imagined, especially at the beginning. Hinata’s job was going nowhere, as JAXA struggled to train and prepare their astronauts for NASA. Government cuts were directed straight to space exploration, which threatened Hinata’s job security. He was making nearly no money because of it. 

Kageyama, instead, had found a job with a car company. It wasn’t exactly what he wanted but it paid well and he was able to expand his knowledge of engineering. Soon enough he’d invented and designed enough cars to become known as a genius inventor. As the years went by, and his performance improved, job offers all across the world started pouring in. From car companies in Germany to aerospace companies in North America. Only one job had ever caught his eye though. 

Kageyama feared that Hinata resented him for that, but whenever Kageyama asked about his feelings for his success, Hinata merely congratulated him and thanked him for letting him be his roommate.

“That’s absurd, why would you not be my roommate?” Kageyama asked, reaching around Hinata’s waist and putting his head on his shoulder. Hinata had been cooking dinner for the two of them. He’d said it was way of paying the rent.

“If you hadn’t fallen in love with me, you’d never have let me stay here.” Hinata mutters, leaning back into Kageyama’s taller body, he continues to stir the vegetables around the pan.

So when Kageyama got an offer from NASA to help design their new rovers, Kageyama was hesitant to let Hinata know. 

Hinata was tying his apron around his waist, and rolling up his sleeves when Kageyama had returned home. A few days had passed since NASA had offered him the job. He had quickly replied, letting them know he was very interested but that he had not made a final decision yet. 

“Don’t start dinner, Shoyou.” Kageyama didn’t bother taking his shoes off as he looked down the hall at the small kitchen. “Let’s go out tonight, ok?”

And that’s what led to them sitting on the beach with full stomachs. Hinata was lying on his back, arms behind his head, facing toward the stars. The moon was full and bright and highlighted the lighter tones on Hinata’s face. Kageyama sighed lovingly, and continued to stare at him. It was a familiar action, to stare at him while he had this wonderfully miraculous expression of complete awe, paying Kageyama absolutely no mind. Today, was different though. Hinata’s eyes were twinkling as if they were made of silver and orange stardust. And for once, those eyes left the stars to glance over at Kageyama without prompting. His smile widened as he realized that Kageyama had been staring at him.

“Enjoying your view?” He sing-songed, turning over onto his side.

“Looked like you were, dumbass.”

Hinata glanced up at the sky for a second and then replied, “I always am.” And Kageyama knew that he was completely and utterly sincere. 

“Listen… Hinata…” Kageyama starts, falling slowly onto his back to mimic Hinata’s position. “We’ve been together for a while.”

“Oh yeah, since junior high.” 

“No, idiot, I mean… as a couple.”

“Oh. Yeah we have. Since high school?”

“Yeah. Since high school.” Kageyama pushes himself back up, and slowly stands up on his feet. Hinata had returned to his dazed expression as he stared up. He didn’t even notice Kageyama walking over to the bottom of his feet. 

“Hinata Shoyou.”

This was when Hinata finally looked back at Kageyama. He found him standing over him, holding a box in his hand and a creepy smile on his face. The one Hinata always made fun of but secretly loved. 

Hinata’s heartbeat rushed and his stomach dropped at the realization of what was happening. Frantically, he pushed himself up into a seated position. “Wait, Tobio…”

Kageyama opened the box and asked, “There are millions of stars in the sky, but the ones in your eyes are the ones I love the most. Will you marry me?” 

Hinata cries and laughs. But mostly cries. He’s yelling over and over. He’s yelling yes, of course. Of course he would marry him. Hinata has already jumped up and tackled Kageyama, kissing his face and his neck. 

The overwhelming excitement was ruined by a terrible feeling of confusion. Hinata took a step back, Kageyama was confused by his actions and asks him what’s wrong.

“We’ve… talked about this… We can’t get married.”

“Stupid, that’s why we’re moving.” Hinata’s was bewildered to say the least. “I mean… unless you don’t want me to take that job at NASA.”

Kageyama can’t read Hinata’s face. He can’t tell if Hinata is happy or angry or maybe just confused. It was probably the latter but the feeling of not knowing scared him. It was rare to see such a serious expression on Hinata’s features.

“They’re looking for astronauts there as well. You speak english, albeit fairly terribly, but… It’s what you’ve dreamed of, right? I figured this could be a big break for us. We could move to Houston and work for NASA and then you’d get to go into space.” Kageyama pauses, “Best part is that we can get married there.”

There’s a moment of silence before Hinata slowly walks up to Kageyama, taking his face into his hands. “Thank you.” a light whisper brushes across Kageyama’s face before Hinata is back to kissing him.

It really must have been inevitable, just as mundane as the sun setting at the end of the day or the changing of seasons. 

Hinata Shoyou not going to space was unthinkable in the universe’s eyes.

They started renting a house together that was paid mostly by NASA. It was part of the deal for Kageyama’s job. Hinata wouldn’t stop ooo-ing and ahh-ing as soon as they had touched down in Houston. It was as if the stars were just that much closer to him. There was a gift store on their way out to baggage claim that had NASA themed items and Hinata spent thirty minutes in that store before buying a NASA baseball cap and star shaped glasses. He stuck the sunglasses on Kageyama and snapped a picture of him. 

“You look better this way.” Hinata grinned, standing up on his tiptoes and giving a peck. Kageyama scowled but didn’t say anything.

Their house had a large grassy backyard, and since they were in the suburbs, Hinata found that the backyard at night was his favourite spot in the entire universe.

Well, besides space and being in Kageyama’s arms.

They’d gotten married at a courthouse as soon as they could. Meaning that their wedding was witnessed only by the clerk, each other, the magistrate and the photographer. Hinata wished that his sister could have come, but she was just starting university herself so it wouldn’t have been possible. Natsu was following a similar path to Hinata, but turning towards botany instead of space. Though Hinata had already decided that she was to visit them in Houston as soon as possible.

Kageyama started to cry during the wedding and Hinata gleefully laughed at him. Kageyama called him an idiot and then Kageyama put the wedding ring on Hinata’s finger.

The rings that Kageyama had picked out were a “couple set”. One ring was golden with a design of the sun, which was Hinata’s ring. The other had the moon and a deep blue sandstone that fit perfectly into the cut out sun. It looked as if the sun and moon had joined together to create the universe and somehow that fit their infatuation with each other perfectly.

It hadn’t been hard to convince NASA that Hinata deserved to be an astronaut. Of course, they went through will all the standard testing to make sure Hinata was suitable for the task, but Kageyama’s pushing and explaining was the reason why they even decided to take Hinata in. Hinata, despite all the trouble back in Japan, had always had an amazing performance. He excelled when it counted, fumbling with paperwork but being amazing out in the field. Apparently that was exactly what NASA wanted. 

Hinata was brimming with excitement, jumping up and down as they waited in the lobby. Kageyama stood behind him, calling him an idiot but his voice was full of love. He had already had a tour and was on his lunch break, so he was quickly stuffing a sandwich into his mouth while they were waiting. He was mostly just there so he could see his husband’s grinning face before he had to head back to work. Somehow that always cheered him up. Kageyama rubbed Hinata’s hair causing Hinata yell some form of insults. 

Most of the other new astronauts were American, followed by Canadians and Russians. Soon after were Europeans such as Germans, Italians and British. Then finally they had a few Indians as well as two other Japanese astronauts who had been eying Hinata suspiciously.

“Do you know them?” Kageyama asks, glancing at the tall blonde haired one. Next to him stood another tall dark haired freckled man. He waves at Hinata and Hinata waves back, grinning.

“Yep! I didn’t tell them I’d be here though, I was too excited and I just kept giggling when I thought about it.” Hinata whispers smiling brightly, “The blonde one is Tsukishima Kei and the smaller one is Yamaguchi Tadashi. Yamaguchi is aiming to do something with medicine and space. I don’t really know, I wasn’t paying attention.” Kageyama hits him on the back of his head, “Tsukishima wants to be a flight controller. He’s actually really good at it too. Obviously there was no job for him at JAXA so they sent him here I guess.” Hinata shrugged, “Finish your lunch so I can race you to those games.” Hinata points to some simulation games that were meant to simulate “anti gravity” and the tests that astronauts go through in training.

Kageyama was already running ahead, by the time Hinata had looked back at him. He yelled more insults and him, chasing after him quickly. He had managed to catch up fairly quickly and they both ended up getting to them at the same time. Kageyama turned to a child who had been watching, “Who won?” he breathed. 

The child stared at them, fear evident. “You… came at the same time.”

“I would have won if you didn’t cheat,” Hinata pouted, punching Kageyama’s arm lightly. 

A year passed quickly, and Hinata became a full-fledged astronaut. He completed his training that he had started at JAXA, and when he got his jumpsuit he quickly started yelling with excitement. Kageyama had excused himself from his work, having just completed the final design for the rover he had been tasked to build. It was a good day for him too. His request to be transferred to rocket design had been approved. Not only that but he had been promoted. It would only be a few more years when he was leading a new project for a rocket. The same rocket that would send Hinata into space.

Hinata pulled his jumpsuit over his body and gestured for Kageyama to help adjust it for him, before he zipped it up the rest of the way. Kageyama was staring at Hinata’s face, as Hinata was staring at the blue jumpsuit, the JAXA symbol on the right, the NASA logo on the left and the Japanese flag on his left shoulder. Hinata jumped up and felt like that at this very moment he could jump straight up to the moon. Kageyama wanted to kiss him but their bosses were giving them eyed looks. He settled for a half-hearted insult about Hinata’s excitability and grinning at him. 

Hinata’s heart twisted and lept out of his body. His life was a song and it was finally reaching the pre-chorus, with a collision of an echoing chorus that was surely to come. 

Hinata nearly started to cry for Kageyama when he told him that he was being promoted to working on engineering rockets. 

Several moons passed and Hinata had been assigned as a backup crew member, which was a huge step for him. Kageyama had kissed him, but was unable to relish in his happiness as well. They were sitting on their back porch, staring straight up the sky, connected through their held hands that dangled between their shabby red and white chaises. Kageyama’s pay had been cut today, do to his inability to work with his team properly. He had been put on hold while they let him work on solo projects before bringing him back into the main engineering team. Kageyama had begged them for a second chance. 

“Did you ask them in that special way you do it?” Hinata asks, glancing at his husband.

“What do you mean?” Kageyama looked confused and somewhat offended.

Hinata dropped his hold of Kageyama’s hand and shaped his hair down to look like Kageyama’s. Then he dramatically bowed yelling, “I’m sorry! Please forgive me!”

“I don’t do that!” 

“You do that.” Hinata giggles, getting back into position. He made a grabby hand gesture with his hand and Kageyama quickly grabbed hold of his hand again. “Do you know… what my favourite time of the day is?”

Kageyama stares at Hinata, confused as to why he was asking him such an obvious question. “The night. Any time you can look up and clearly stare into space.”

“Wrong~! Of course, you aren’t an astronaut exactly because of that.”

“Of course not, you’re the one who dragged me head over heels into this life.” 

Hinata shot him a look that shouted, “Don’t blame me!” before continuing, “My favourite time is the daytime.” A breath and a squeeze of the hand. “For an astronaut, or anyone who loves space, the nighttime is when you feel whole and wonderful and at peace. But deep down in your stomach, there’s this undeniable itch that won’t go away. You can see all these amazing places but at a certain point you start to feel overwhelmed. That itch just keeps getting more and more stimulated and it won’t just go away. We feel amazing but we also feel like something’s beating us down.”

Kageyama stayed quiet, it was rare for Hinata to be so deep in thought about something like this.

“My favourite time is the daytime. The sun is out and space is still there, it’s just hidden by our atmosphere. It’s… more metaphorical. It feels like the daytime is life, there are thousands of different ways you could go, but there’s only one way you can go. The sun is guiding us, the sun is showing us that we don’t need to get lost, because at the end of the day the sun will set and the moon and stars will replace it. It feels… safer…” Hinata takes a breath, “I feel a connection to the sun, in this way. I feel like it’s where… I’m meant to be.” He looked at Kageyama. “It feels like home.”

Kageyama didn’t know how to reply, so he stayed quiet. But a flicker of understanding was jolted into his head. Maybe this was why Hinata became so utterly fascinated by the sun.

Hinata had trained for years and finally he found himself sitting in a rocket that was about to be sent into orbit and then finally to the ISS. They were going to help the current ISS crew fix some malfunctions and also conduct some final research before the ISS would be dismantled. The crew member that he had been the backup for had fallen sick the week before the launch so he was quickly thrown in as the replacement. The same thing happened to Yamaguchi Tadashi, and so here they were grinning at each other as they listened to the count down. 

10  
He was so ready for the rush,  
9  
And then feeling of nothing as he would be able to float upwards.  
8  
Here he was,  
7  
Sitting in a rocket ship,  
6  
That Kageyama had helped design and build,  
5  
On his way to space, finally.   
4   
His heartbeat was ringing in his ears and the cold metal on his chest from his wedding ring that hung on a simple chain around his neck was a comforting reminder he had to come home alive.  
3  
The only way this could have been better,  
2  
Was if,  
1  
The welcoming party had a lot less crying.

If he hadn’t come back home, after six of the best months of his life, to this. 

He only wished, he wasn’t the only one who had come home safely. 

Normally he liked to stand out.

But, damn, not like this.

They were allowed to communicate with home every few days, and every day Hinata showed Kageyama his newest view of the Earth. It was huge, beautiful and made him cry every time he looked at it for more than five minutes. The first time he’d called Kageyama, he made the mistake of staring at the Earth and ended up zoning out. The communication time was all used up by the time he had noticed the tears rolling down his cheeks. Kageyama called him a dumbass with a stupid grin on his face, but he was thrilled to see his husband so emotionally elated. 

Hinata was in no way ready to head back home but begrudgingly strapped himself into his seat and let the pilot bring them back home. 

The alarms started to ring, and mission control frantically informed the astronauts that there was a fatal malfunction.

He thought he was going to die. He was okay with that. The BEEP BEEP and the frantic whispering of one of his fellow crew members. The pilot was speaking to mission control in a calm voice but there was an apparent sweat line appearing on her face. There was an error in the navigational plan, they were headed towards a rocky beach. It was fairly likely they would die in the explosion. 

Hinata didn’t feel scared. He was scared of what might happen to Kageyama more than anything and he reached up instinctively to the ring that hung around his neck. Of course his hand was only met to his white astronaut suit. Hinata’s face remained straight, as if this was just another day of the job. He’d completed his destiny, and here he was tumbling straight to his death. Although Hinata would have liked to believe that he was completely at peace with dying, there was a small familiar nudging in his stomach that made him think otherwise. He forced himself to ignore it. 

Hinata’s impression of Yamaguchi had always been that he was fairly shy, weak and dependent on others. So when he looked at Yamaguchi who was sitting next to him, and found a mirrored expression of his own on his face, he was shocked. 

They were more similar than he had realized.

Yamaguchi looked at him and said, “If you make it out of here, and I don’t, please tell Tsukki I’m sorry, ok?” He was speaking Japanese, a rare occurrence these days. Hinata had no time to reply because soon enough there was a crash and then there was darkness. It was time for them to go to sleep, because the moon had risen to replace the sun. 

Yet, out of the 6 crew members on the expedition, he was the only one who ever woke up.

There’s something heavy and warm on his arm when he blinked open his eyes to a dark room. He could barely keep his eyes open and he moaned in pain, shifting and waking up his muscles. Kageyama, the heavy and warm thing on his arm, grunted and pushed himself up, mumbling something about disturbing his sleep. His eyes opened and met Hinata’s and Hinata was sure he was going to get punched.

“Stupid!” Kageyama yelled, “Why would you make me worry like that!”

Hinata laughed, “I’m home now.”

“Idiot, Idiot! I’m never letting go of you, never ever.” Kageyama gripped Hinata’s hand, far too hard. “You’re a stupid lazy ass, you were in a coma for 3 weeks.”

“Didn’t get much sleep up there, wanted to catch up.” Hinata smiled which was replaced by a mirror of pain when Kageyama punched his arm.

Once the nurse had checked him out and let him know he was alright other than a few broken bones and a concussion, Hinata turned to Kageyama and asked him about the crash.

“You… were the only one who lived. It was where you were positioned and your short stature that saved you....” Kageyama whispered, as if what he was saying was taboo. A softer whisper followed, “I thought you were going to die…”

Hinata took a deep breath and continued to stare at the blank hospital wall in front of him.

Kageyama stood up and said he was going to go get some coffee.

“Before you go… Can you call Tsukishima Kei for me?” Hinata questioned.

Kageyama paused and turned around, “Why?”

“I need to tell him something.” 

“He’s busy… Well, he was a flight controller for the mission. He… He’s depressed, Hinata. I really don’t think we should disturb him.”

“No, I need to talk to him.” Hinata said with a firm voice. Kageyama raised his eyebrows and exited. Hinata took that as a begrudging “yes”. 

Tsukishima took an exceedingly long deep breath once Hinata had passed on the message from Yamaguchi. He nodded, and stepped out of the room without saying anything else. Hinata frowned and yelled out, “He loved you, y’know! Everyone calls me oblivious but I could really tell!” There was a loud thump outside and Kageyama told Hinata to shut up. 

There was soft laughter coming from outside and a not so small reply of, “I know, asshole.”

Kageyama was standing up from his seat next to Hinata’s bed, an angry expression. “Don’t call Shoyou an ass-,”

“Kageyama. Sit down.” Hinata said forcefully. A small smile appeared on his face, comforting Kageyama. 

“I’m sure his nerves are just on edge,” a nurse who had just entered comforted. “It’s a troubling time for everyone right now.”

Kageyama nods and turned to look out the window as Hinata’s nurse and Hinata pleasantly talk while the nurse takes blood and vitals. 

Hinata punched Kageyama lightly once the nurse had left, “I love you.”

“I love you more. I mean I let you go into space, I’m such an idiot for letting you do that.”

“No way! I would have divorced you if you didn’t let me.”

“Asshole!”

Things seemed to go fairly well in the following months of recovery. As soon as Hinata could, he asked Kageyama to take him flying over Houston. He couldn’t fly the fast moving airplane yet due to his injuries, and technically he wasn’t even supposed to be a passenger but Hinata convinced Kageyama by saying, “The rules are meant to be bent, also I love you and you look cool when you’re flying. Not as cool as me in my astronaut suit though.”

Hinata felt fine, until he put the helmet on. That was when he started to feel his heart start to race, and a heavy weight settle on his chest. Kageyama took off and that was when Hinata’s panic really kicked in. The world seemed to spin around him in a dizzying manner. Hinata started to bounce his leg up and down and urged his hands to stop shaking. He had broken into a sweat and was breathing hard and scattered. He wasn’t sure but he thought he heard Kageyama ask him if he was OK. Hinata wasn’t sure what happened next but there was a piercing screech and he struggled to gain control of himself again. 

Turns out that screech had been his screaming. The world went black around him before he fell into nothingness. He woke up breathing hard on the asphalt of the runway. Kageyama was crying over him, “Idiot, why didn’t you tell me you didn’t feel well.”

Hinata didn’t reply and closed his eyes. An exhaustion fell over him and all he wanted was to sleep, he felt useless and pathetic. How was he ever going to get back into space if he couldn’t even handle the stupid T-38 aircraft. A warm embrace covered him, and helped alleviate some of the cold, darkness that was consuming him. 

After a few visits to a psychiatrist he was given a prescription of drugs that he was so incredibly enthused to take that he threw them out. He had PTSD. How could he have PTSD especially when he felt such a longing for space. He was getting a lot of support but nothing seemed to help, and all he wanted to do was give up.

He told this to Kageyama one day, after he had found out that he had thrown out his drugs. Kageyama yelled at him in reply, “You can’t give up. You never give up. You’ve been aiming for this your entire life. You cannot give up, this is not like you. I’m…. I’m going to help you. We’ll try some new ways to help you, ok? I’m going to help you get back into space. I’ll help you study the sun and find a new alien planet. Whatever you’d like. Just promise me you’ll take your medicine and won’t give up.”

Hinata sighed and agreed, the energy had been completely drained out of him. The usual cheery orange had faded to a gray, and Hinata hated it. He hated it with a passion but he no longer had the energy to bring back the orange.

Kageyama’s words had hit him harder than he thought they would. Probably because they were the exact opposite of what Hinata wanted to hear, but they were exactly what he needed. He still felt gray, but the orange flame inside him flickered back on.

The drugs didn’t help much, mostly just made him feel numb. What really helped was Kageyama’s encouragement and strange methods. He was busy with his own job but he sacrificed all of his breaks to work on helping Hinata. They started out by trying on different costumes that constrained him, like astronaut suits did, while working themselves up to the suit as the final level.

Surprisingly, this helped him. In a few months, Hinata was able to wear a suit again. The next step for them would be to have Hinata be comfortable again flying in the T-38. It was the closest thing to a simulation of the rocket. 

It started out with Kageyama flying, whispering Hinata encouraging words through the intercom. Hinata was far too grateful for the patience Kageyama had with him. If it was anyone else he was sure that their heads would have been ripped off already. Once he was comfortable with that, they put another pilot in who Hinata was less comfortable with, who did not talk to him. Hinata slowly was able to become comfortable with flying again. Finally, was solo flying. It would be the final test before NASA would let him take his astronaut test again. 

Hinata took a deep breath, and out the helmet on. Stepping into the aircraft he pushed himself to stay calm. Kageyama had helped this far, and now it was his turn to show how much he wanted to get better. He wanted to show Kageyama that he was returning to the energetic, loving astronaut he had fallen in love with. Although, Hinata was pretty sure that after this challenge, he would never be the exact same as before. 

Hinata managed to fly on his own for several hours before he landed again and Kageyama leapt towards him. Kageyama picked him up and swung him around yelling, “You did it!” Hinata blushed and defensively asked him to put him down. Hinata was grinning like an idiot though. He could finally feel… normal, again. There seemed to be less weight on his chest and he felt so much lighter. It had taken multiple months but Hinata was finally ready to take the astronaut test again. 

\---

Hinata was breathing hard for a completely different reason when he reached the pool. He tried to control the panting as he coughed out, “Sorry… I’m late.” 

Kageyama walked in behind him, much less winded, indicating that he did not run after him. “Dumbass forgot what day it was,” He pats Hinata’s back who smiles sarcastically back up at him. 

Some of Hinata’s astronaut friends were walking up to him and helped him to a back room where he would change into the astronaut suit that would be used in his test. Hinata was half way there when Kageyama called to him.

Hinata turned around, “What’s wrong?”

“The sun has to rise again some day!” Kageyama yells, although he stumbled the words. 

Hinata bursts into laughter, but despite that his cheeks were turning pink, “Don’t go bursting out stupid things like that!”

Kageyama grinned at him, “Right sorry. That’s your job.”

Hinata scowled before turning back around and continuing his journey to the astronaut suit. 

The room where the test was going to take place was the practice pool at NASA. It was a deep pool surrounded by simple white walls. On one wall there was a room that broke the shape of the room. There were windows that showed a view into an office that mimicked itself into a tiny mission control. There were a whole bunch of bigwigs from NASA sitting in the room, talking to themselves. Most were smiling, some were scowling. Kageyama hadn’t realized that Hinata was becoming such a popular astronaut. There were a few empty seats scattered around the room, but Kageyama opted to lean against the wall, fearing he would have to indulge someone in awkward small talk. (It was also to hide his shaking arms and legs. If Hinata wasn’t nervous, then he sure was.)

Of course, this failed as an office worker in a suit walked up to him. “Are you Kageyama Tobio?”

“Yes,ma’am.” Kageyama nods, biting his lip. This was not the time to mess up his speech.

The woman laughed and shook her head, “No reason to call me ma’am.” She leaned on the wall next to him, “You’re married to Hinata Shoyou right? That’s such a wonderful pairing, I mean, you two seem so very different. Hinata is an astronaut and you’re a rocket scientist.”

Kageyama couldn’t help but smile, “It was a surprise to everyone, to be honest. I mean who would think that I would marry a carefree idiot like Shoyou? I was heading over here and caught him about to bite into his lunch. He completely forgot about the most important day in his life.”

The lady sighed and laughed, “He sure is like that. That’s why we all love him. We all want him back into space… Actually, we have a special mission for him if he manages to pass the test.”

Kageyama didn’t reply. Why was she telling him this?

“We want you to lead the design team for the first rocket ship that will be sent in the direction of the sun.”

Kageyama couldn’t hold back his surprise. Then there was worry. There was no way he was letting Hinata go to the sun. It would mean death, it would mean that Hinata would return home and never come back to him.

“Don’t worry, we’ve got a new material to work with. We created a new element that is very malleable but is virtually impossible to melt. The melting point is at such a high level that the possibility for melting is nearly impossible, even if sent towards the sun. It’s going… to take a lot of work but we think Hinata will be a great choice. We’re going to make the aircraft to be smaller than usual due to the new material. We’ve already sent probes towards mercury and the sun, but this will be a monumental mission. We would-,”

“I’ll take it as long as you agree with two things.” Kageyama interrupts, his eyes were twinkling.

“Yes?”

“If I feel the mission will end in failure I have permission to change Hinata as the pilot no matter what. There is nothing Hinata could say or do that would let him stay as pilot.”

She frowns at that but doesn’t protest.

“Secondly, I get to make most major decisions on design and other necessities for the space ship.”

“Alright… I believe we can work with that.” She puts her hand and Kageyama shakes it. “I’m Melanie Kennedy. Glad to meet you. I can’t wait to work with you.” She waves back to his shocked face as she walks back towards the office with windows.

“She’s…. the head scientist at NASA…,” Kageyama whispered, but his shock was erased by cheering as Hinata walked out and waved to everyone. He was grinning stupidly which only increased when his eyes met Kageyama’s. Hinata gave him a thumbs-up before starting the test. 

\---

Cheers erupted from nearly every body in the room. The mission was a complete success and Hinata was rushed with hugs by his fellow astronauts. Kageyama nearly cried, as he walked quickly towards his husband. Not caring about the others, he grabbed Hinata and spun him to face. Then his lips were on Hinata’s and it felt as if the world was melting away from them. Kageyama pulled away first, a large blush on his face. Hinata only winked at him before turning to address the rest of the audience. A few of them pulled him to side, only to be joined by Ms. Kennedy. Kageyama already knew what they were talking about and Hinata’s followed scream of joy only confirmed it. 

Hinata came running up to him, “They’re sending me to the sun! To the sun! Kageyama they’re sending me to ‘hi’!” 

Kageyama grinned and nodded, “I know! And guess who’s sending you there?” 

Hinata paused before hugging him, getting him even more uncomfortably wet. “I told you it was destiny.”

“I guess it was…” Kageyama trailed off. Somehow Kageyama felt like something was off. He shook off the worried feeling in his stomach and relishes in the fact that his sun was back with him.   
The next few years were tedious and long, but Hinata and Kageyama enjoyed every minute of it. They discussed adopting a child but the topic was dropped after a few weeks of stressful work. They were always busy and the general consensus was to adopt once Hinata came back from his mission. 

“I don’t want to watch them grow up without me… I wanna be the coolest dad! One that is always there for them!” Hinata argued and Kageyama agreed, well at the second part. Not the first part.

“Who said you were going to be the cool dad?”

“You get to be the strict but lovely papa, I promise.” Hinata kissed Kageyama’s nose, “Our kids will love us both.”

They opted instead to host now adult Natsu for a few months as she did an internship at NASA, studying plant life, and alien life. They treated her like a test child, even though she was fully independent and when Hinata suggested going to the playground she laughed and called Hinata a child. Hinata scowled and was about to yell something but Kageyama’s laughter interrupted him. 

“I’m glad you agree with me, Natsu.”

She turned to him and smiled, “Anyone would guess I’m the older child, huh? Hinata hasn’t grown or matured at all since primary school.”

Hinata retorted, interrupting brother-sister-in law bonding, with a fairly half-assed insult of, “Neither of you have gone to space. Well I have. They don’t send kids to space.”

Natsu and Kageyama just looked at each other as if they were sharing a shared secret. Hinata yelled out in frustration.

Once Natsu’s internship ended, NASA immediately offered her a job as a scientist but she declined and quietly returned to Japan. Kageyama and Hinata never figured out what had pushed her to making that decision. 

Suns were replaced by moons, over and over, until the day of the launch was finally upon them. Kageyama and Hinata barely saw each other the few days before, Hinata was preparing for his several year launch through Mercury and the Sun. If he had been injured or gotten sick, the backup team member would have gone instead of him. Hinata actively called him, at any odd time of the day. Kageyama answered every time but most of the time ended up yelling at him to stop calling him since he was incredibly busy making sure Hinata’s trip to mercury and beyond didn’t end in catastrophe. 

Hinata threw up a few hours before the launch, which nearly caused NASA to cancel the trip. Kageyama almost fainted when he heard the news, but when he found out Hinata was completely fine and it was just nerves he ended up teasing him endlessly. Hinata groaned and retorted terribly back at him.

Anyone watching would have noted that their relationship seemed even stronger despite the fact that Hinata was about to be sent into space with very little communication with Earth for a long time. So long that NASA had already said that Hinata would be receiving a medal of honour from both NASA and JAXA. No one was brave enough (or as some might say: delirious enough) to be alone for such a long time in space. Hinata, a strong extrovert, was about to take on this task. It was a huge sign of love. Hinata Shoyou loved space, and if anyone didn’t believe that before this mission, they were sure aware of that now.

Hinata hugged Kageyama tightly, so tightly Kageyama was sure he was going to burst. Kageyama wrapped his arms around the smaller man’s body and grinned into the top of his head. 

“This is the last time I’m going to hug someone for years, you know?” Hinata whispered into Kageyama. 

“You can have as many hugs as you want when you come back.” Kageyama replies, squeezing even tighter.

“You think I’ll miss you, you giant blueberry?” 

Kageyama snorts, “You’ll never get me to admit that I’m jealous of space.”

Hinata giggles, and pushes away a little to look up at Kageyama’s face, “You just did, idiot.”

Kageyama frowns and kisses Hinata on the nose. “No I didn’t.”

Someone coughs next to them and both their faces get red, as they push away from each other, rather reluctantly. The man gestures for them to take stand next to each other to take a picture. 

Hinata puts his hands behind his back, and Kageyama lets them stay stiff by his side. Hinata was grinning like a fool as he stared into the camera.

Just before the camera was about to go off, a rather loud voice appears from the crowd, “It isn’t very professional to have the lead engineer and the astronaut acting so lovey-dovey. I wonder if their idiocy spread to the mission, they could be costing NASA millions of dollars….”

Hinata only grimaced for a split second, but ignored it otherwise. Kageyama, instead, jumped furiously towards the voice. A violent exclamation left his mouth,“He’s my husband. I’d be damned if I let my love for him distract me from ensuring his safety on the mission.”

CLICK. The camera went off. Leaving a beautiful blurry picture of a furious Kageyama turning to see who had insulted Hinata, while a Hinata had a faded grin. Hinata laughed so much after seeing the picture that he requested that he be allowed to bring it with him on his trip. Kageyama protested multiple times but the photographer ended up printing out a copy for Hinata. Hinata waved it in Kageyama’s face. 

“I’ll use this as insurance.” Hinata notes, he was walking backwards. He was supposed to be heading to the spaceship for launch but Hinata could have stayed there with Kageyama for years. Despite his excitement for the launch, he wished he could have brought Kageyama with him. 

“Insurance for what?” Kageyama questions, mostly in disbelief.

Hinata shrugs, “Who knows? I do have 7 years of alone time to think about it though.”

Kageyama nods and watched as Hinata grinned at him, waving back towards him. 

“By the way, Tobio!” Hinata yells, “I love you as much as I love the moon!”

Kageyama laughs, “You are such an idiot. But I love you too.”

\---

Hinata had been in space for 7 Earth days when he got his first message from Mission Control. Kageyama had pushed away Tsukishima after he finished his overview messages. Kageyama opened his mouth to say something but Tsukishima pushed him away again. The message ended after that. Hinata laughed, with a sense of sadness. It had only been a week but a melancholy feeling had settled itself into Hinata’s soul. 

As Hinata travelled further and further away from the Earth, the messages became less and less clearer until they were no longer video clips. Audio clips replaced those, and soon later those were replaced with simple text messages. It had been barely half a year when those became Hinata’s only connection to mission control. The messages became much more sparse and this was when Hinata realized he was very, very alone. There wasn’t much to do on the ship once he had worked his daily tasks, he usually ended up staring out the window of the ship. 

After 3 years had passed, Hinata started replaying the messages from Mission Control. It didn’t even matter at this point if Kageyama was in them. He just wanted to see another human being. Hinata thought he would have being alone for so long but it soon became apparent he craved the touch of another person. He just wanted to have a conversation with someone, have someone hold his hand, and finally feel the comfort of being alive and surrounded by others. 

“Humans are strange…,” Hinata remarks one day, after completely his daily log that described the lonely feelings. “We argue and fight, but without each other we end up becoming an empty shell of what could’ve been. A useless mess of “what if’s”...,”

Hinata often ended up staring at the 5 pictures he had brought with him. 4 of them were of Kageyama, and one of them was Natsu. He meant no offense to Natsu, but he wished the 5th one had been of Kageyama as well. The thought of speaking with him in a few years was what made him smile everyday. 

Five years had passed and Hinata was finally at the sun. The windows were sealed and there was no way he could look outside. The ship had noticeably gotten warmer over the past year and Hinata wished he could stare at the giant flaming ball with his own eyes but the camera was his only way to see it. Hinata collected his samples and relished in the fact that he had finally made it. Staring at the giant glowing star in the pictures made him feel safe, and at home. It felt as if he was with Kageyama again, staring up at the stars. 

That was when the horror hit him. 

Hinata was getting ready to turn the blasters on full and get himself back home. He went over the overview of the supplies, when he noticed a scary detail that someone must have overlooked. 

“The fuel…. there’s… not enough…,” Hinata mumbled quietly. He repeats that phrase over and over. He spends days pondering this situation and after several mathematical problems solved, he comes up with two solutions to this horror. 

He abandons the mission and reduces the weight of the spaceship by getting rid of excess weight, such as the computers and data samples.  
He sets the spaceship to autopilot and throws himself along with the food out of space ship.

Hinata remained scarily calm as he spent a week debating which option to take. Hinata grabbed the pictures of Kageyama and kissed them gently. “I’m an astronaut and I would never forgive myself if I didn’t do this. I’m…. I’m so sorry.”

\---

“Here are the logs, videos and audio files from the spaceship.” Tsukishima hands Kageyama a memory disk, a sympathetic smile on his face. Kageyama nods and takes it from his hand.   
The videos were simple messages to him and mission control. Kageyama wasn’t sure why he was procrastinating so badly, he already knew which video he wanted and needed to watch. The last one. Somehow seeing Hinata’s face caused immense pain to arise, and the feeling of vomit never left his throat. Plenty of videos passed, thousands of different Hinata faces appeared before Kageyama. As the videos passed by, Hinata’s smiling face appeared far, far less. It was only until the last few did Kageyama see Hinata glowing as he had the day he left. He knew Hinata had made it to the sun. 

The final video turned on. Starting with Hinata looking off camera and taking deep breaths. Around a minute in, Hinata finally started to talk.

“Listen… I know all of you are angry with me right now. I also know a certain one of you is probably furious at me. That’s you, Tobio.” Kageyama cringed hearing Hinata say his name. Hinata grinned stupidly and Kageyama forced back the tears that threatened to come back. “Anyway, it seems that there wasn’t enough fuel given to me. I know this is completely against protocol but… I sent back all of the research I did. I felt that as my duty for being chosen for this mission I had to do it. No… not only my duty as the chosen astronaut but as a human being. Thousands of people were counting on my mission to bring back new research. I have no idea what this could be used for, but I’m sure all you fancy smart people will figure out what to do with it. I also recommend that you make sure you calculate the correct fuel levels, the next time you try to send someone into deep space.” Hinata laughed. Kageyama did not. Hinata’s serious tone quickly disappeared as he forced himself to return to the Hinata everyone personally knew. “It’s amazingly beautiful out here! I forced the window open and although you can’t see many stars you can see Earth. It’s so small and tiny. It feels so strange to be saying that.” He sighed. “I hope that everyone will be able to see this view one day. I’m happy… that it will be the last thing I see.” Hinata goes on to explain in further detail his thought process. Kageyama hated to admit that Hinata had come up with the only two plausible solutions that would beneficial. “I guess… this is goodbye. Thank you for sending me here…,” Kageyama slams his hand down on the desk and looks down, “...I have never… been happier.” The video ends and it takes Kageyama what seems like an eternity to look back up. 

Kageyama moves the mouse out of the video logs and scrolls through the audio logs from Hinata’s EVAs. He reaches the last audio log and clicks play. 

Hinata is taking deep breaths and there was a small click in the background before the only noise from the file was the soft buzz of the microphone and Hinata’s breathing.

“I’m still not sure… why you put this microphone in the astronaut suit...., but I guess it has become useful.” Hinata starts, taking deep breaths in between. It was a sign of distress and Kageyama hated hearing those breaths so clearly. “I’m assuming that Kageyama is the one who is going to care the most about this audio log…,” There’s a small laugh. “Sorry, Tobio.”

Kageyama slams his fist on the table and whispers, “I’m the one who should say sorry, Shoyou. Don’t you dare…,”

“You know, it’s really beautiful here.” Hinata continues. “The sun is so bright. It takes up my entire view. Too bad I can’t look at it for very long, even with this fancy suit of yours.”

“Shoyou, please stop.”

“I know you’re angry Tobio. You’re really angry. But I don’t regret anything, and you shouldn’t either. You’re going to have to forgive me for choosing science over you though Tobio. I won’t blame you if you never do forgive me, but I don’t want you to regret anything.”

“I’d forgive you if you weren’t dead.”

There’s a quiet hiccup and Kageyama knows Hinata was crying. “I’m sorry, Tobio.” There’s a shuffling noise and quiet sobbing that continues for a good few minutes.

Kageyama hated himself. He hated that he had caused his cheerful Shoyou to cry more than he had ever done in his life. 

The crying slowly came to a stop and Hinata continued talking, “Sorry Tobio. The sun is so bright, but so far away. I feel so warm, but so cold.” A pause. “I can’t see any stars here. The sun is too bright, and red. I feel so alone physically, but mentally I feel as if I’m in your arms, holding your hand.”

Kageyama has to pause the recording and take deep breaths. He hadn’t realized that tears were rolling down his cheeks. He continues the recording once he had wiped away as much as he could.

“I say that, but I also feel. I’ve finally reached where I belong. I belong in your arms, but I also belong in the arms of the sun.” There’s a beeping sound and Kageyama flinches. Hinata’s breathing had slowly started growing raspier. The sound an indicator he only had a few more minutes of air left. “Talking to you, while out here, I feel there’s no better way to go.” Hinata’s voice grows slower, as it takes more effort to speak. “The thought of dying out here is terrifying but also beautiful. I’ll become a star, a small bright star, that will always be out here. Don’t worry, Tobio. I’ll always be out here waiting for you. And I’ll always be with you in your memories.” A small breath, “Whenever you look at the sun. Think of me, okay?” Hinata’s breathing grows hard and Hinata forcefully cough out his last words, “I love you, Kageyama Tobio.”


End file.
